Settling into The Big House
I found myself alone, somewhere in Port Coquitlam, British Columbia, just standing there in the middle of a room barefoot, surrounded by people I didn’t know. I had no idea how I got there, who I came with, why I was there or where my shoes were.
The environment slowly started coming into focus. Almost like I would imagine teleporting myself would be like. I just became conscious of it, is more likely, out of nowhere. I was at a house party, I started hearing the music, it was loud and aggressive. Everyone was high on acid. I was standing there barefoot.
The next thing I remember Is sitting in the passenger side of a car with someone I knew years before from Montreal, Quebec, Danny McLeod!! Like WTF? I was still barefoot. I guess I knew at the time, but I’d forgotten how we met up in the first place, and other than Danny explaining to me many years later when we found each other on Facebook, I still wouldn’t have had a clue!
He told me that he’d moved to B.C from Montreal shortly after I had, and he just happened to end up at the same party as me all the way across the country, where he, BTW didn't know anyone at the party either, other than me!! That was the first time I realized how small the world really was.
I have a fuzzy memory flash of stopping at a store and loading up Danny’s trunk with cases of Kokanee Beer. I guess our plan was to bring our friends back home in Montreal a good beer. At that time Kokanee beer was made and sold only in BC.
Danny said we were home sick, so we left the party, hopped in his car with his dog and started the long drive back home to Montreal.
The last memory flash I have of that trip is passing a road sign that said Indian Head, Saskatchewan up ahead 3KM. I can remember saying to Danny, “Like fuck! We ain’t stopping there!” Even the name of the town sounded scary. I don’t remember the ride at all up until then, which was 1,773 KM from where we had started.
I can’t be sure, but it seems like the same memory flash, seems like instantly after I said that I saw flashing police lights behind us. I can still see the police lights flashing in the dark.
The next thing I know for sure, is that I was on a small prisoners’ plane being brought to a provincial women's jail called Pine Grove Correctional Center in Saskatchewan.
For many years I wouldn’t know what I had been charged with, I don’t even remember going through court; but today looking back at my criminal record, I know it was for being in possession of a narcotic; although, I’m still not sure for what kind.
I have a few memory flashes of Pine Grove Correctional Center. I don’t remember streams of events that took place. When I walked into the jail, everyone stared at me. It was a small room, dark and dingy, everyone just sitting around. I was 19 years old, blonde hair, and the only white woman for many miles, the rest of the women were native.
I didn't want to stare at anyone, but I didn't want to show that I was a scared little girl either. It's a good thing the little kid system prepared me a bit for this. I now see I was raised for it.
At mealtimes, the food was brought from the kitchen placed on the table and all the inmates in the wing would just grab a plate and serve themselves. I lost some weight that’s for sure! I made sure I didn't offend anyone by being too greedy, but at the same time not wanting to look like a scared kid who wouldn’t eat, so I took small portions of whatever was the closest to me.
I didn't have any problems while there, because of my past I was used to the institution life, but juvenile detention centers were nothing compared to this prison. This was the real deal, rough looking women sitting around, some of them with scars running down their faces. Some of them were waiting trial dates for all kinds of misunderstandings like robbery, murder, prostitution, theft, drugs, and assault.
I found myself belonging in a world so full of violence, hatred, misunderstandings. I found myself once again locked behind bars surrounded by nice people who had turned hard over time, I was “home.”
Tammy-anne Deslongchamps
Settling into The Big House
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